I have been absent for a long while. Two weeks and counting... For two weeks, influenza has opposed me... A microscopic organism that is smaller than my eyes have the power to see, has left me shaking, weak, feverish--and vomiting the small amounts of water I've managed to choke down, in a pitiful effort to cling to a life I despise. A needle has provided my vitamins and minerals, and the irritating voice of my doctor calls me back everytime I attempt to leave this world...
"Hold on. We need you here with us. Be strong."
Why does he say these things to me? He has been saying them ever since I was a small child. I have never understood his reason. He wants me? He cares? I laugh to imagine such things. After all, I do not see him taking my burden upon himself. His love cannot run so deep.
I suppose it is true, that only I have the strength to endure this pain. I was born for this very reason. But I confess, in private--in the depths of my soul alone--I have had many a moment of weakness. And I have longed to hear the voice of one who is not obligated, urging me to live--telling me that I am needed in this world, not as a sacrifice, but as a friend, a loved one... someone who is irreplaceable to them alone.
But that will never happen.
I am recovering from my illness for the time being, and so I will put aside complaints. For it is true that loneliness loves despair, and my goal in this world is to make evident my wrath, before death swallows my soul--despair does not encourage such a mission.
So I will state my goal for this week plainly: Rectify the damage that has been done to the family's account budgeting. During my bout with the flu, one clever individual by the name of Tatsu Souma bullied my assistant into signing his consent for a new fountain to be constructed in the Main Square.
We do not need a new fountain. What is wrong with the old one? It never ceases to amaze me how, at the first sign of my possible demise, the family gathers together and plots how they may best destroy themselves. What foolish children I have! Why do away with hundreds of years of tradition for the sake of a passing fad? I would truly like to understand this abnormal way of thinking.
That is all for now. I must retire. And ponder how best to approach this delicate matter...for my family is easily broken.
"Hold on. We need you here with us. Be strong."
Why does he say these things to me? He has been saying them ever since I was a small child. I have never understood his reason. He wants me? He cares? I laugh to imagine such things. After all, I do not see him taking my burden upon himself. His love cannot run so deep.
I suppose it is true, that only I have the strength to endure this pain. I was born for this very reason. But I confess, in private--in the depths of my soul alone--I have had many a moment of weakness. And I have longed to hear the voice of one who is not obligated, urging me to live--telling me that I am needed in this world, not as a sacrifice, but as a friend, a loved one... someone who is irreplaceable to them alone.
But that will never happen.
I am recovering from my illness for the time being, and so I will put aside complaints. For it is true that loneliness loves despair, and my goal in this world is to make evident my wrath, before death swallows my soul--despair does not encourage such a mission.
So I will state my goal for this week plainly: Rectify the damage that has been done to the family's account budgeting. During my bout with the flu, one clever individual by the name of Tatsu Souma bullied my assistant into signing his consent for a new fountain to be constructed in the Main Square.
We do not need a new fountain. What is wrong with the old one? It never ceases to amaze me how, at the first sign of my possible demise, the family gathers together and plots how they may best destroy themselves. What foolish children I have! Why do away with hundreds of years of tradition for the sake of a passing fad? I would truly like to understand this abnormal way of thinking.
That is all for now. I must retire. And ponder how best to approach this delicate matter...for my family is easily broken.
posted by Akito at 12:18 PM
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